~Relationship is surely the mirror in which you discover yourself~ Krishnamurti
Since February seems to be the month of love and relationship, with Valentine’s Day and Family Day occurring, the concept of relating has been on my mind. Let’s dive into this topic and give it a bit of a hashing out!
In Astrology, relationships are revealed in oppositions. This occurs when one planet is looking at another planet across the sky. Each planet holds its own view, which appears contrary to the other. However, in reality, each planet simply reflects the other in some way. Oppositions represent a different side of the same coin. The same is true of relationships.
As a person born under a Full Moon, relationships are a going concern for me, and an ongoing life theme. Going back to the concept of oppositions, a Full Moon occurs when the Sun and Moon are in opposing ends of the cosmos. The Moon picks up the Sun’s light and reflects it back. This is really a mirroring effect that often occurs in relationships. To read more about moon phases, click here.
We see in others what we like, dislike, reject, want and disown about ourselves. Whether we realize it or not, others provide a perfect mirror to who we are. In some Native and Mayan cultures this was called the “Great Smoking Mirror”, or, “I am another one of Yourself” teaching. (1) This is the concept that we all come from the same source or Creator, and therefore are one and the same. We reflect each other’s strengths and weaknesses. The Great Smoking Mirror reveals that the mirror of truth lies just beyond the smoke of illusion.
We all carry illusions and delusions about ourselves. We all have a Neptune in our Birth Chart! Sometimes we prefer the smoke to the mirror. We are human beings after all, and we are learning. Part of working out the oppositions in relationships is to balance the opposing forces. This requires looking in the mirror and being honest about what you see being reflected back.
There is a term in psychology called “projection”. This occurs when a person denies something about themselves, and instead, ascribes it to the outside world, most often another person. This is finger pointing and blaming. What we really need to do is turn the finger around and see what we are reflecting, and what we are ultimately dis-owning.
In relationship, both sides and inclinations need to be taken in, accepted and integrated. This means taking the other person’s view and holding it as your own. This is the dance of intimacy in relationships. This obviously requires a bit of work from both bodies. It takes two to tango after all.
But what if the two sides are just too different? What if Pluto issues of power and control are involved, what then? What if you feel someone is just not allowed into your space for whatever reason? Well, that is okay too. Not everyone has earned the right to be in your sacred space. If others cannot see your truth, it is more than okay to set boundaries. This is part of the learning in relationships too. Not all are meant to carry on.
But oppositions, like relationships, offer a gift. This is the gift of illumination. Just like that Full Moon, we are able to see ourselves really clearly when in relationship. If you keep meeting others that try to control you, consider where you are denying your own power. If your relationships keep repeating themes of guilt, manipulation and abuse, consider where you victimize others. Be willing to see the ugly truths.
This is confronting the Shadow, a term we can thank Carl Jung for. Shadow and light exist together, as one would not be without the other. To bypass the fact that we can behave horribly, meanly, abusively is denying the truth of who we are. If we are standing and looking at someone across from us, what are we hiding behind ourselves? What shadows are we casting?
The best way to integrate and balance the shadow and opposition is to look outwards, see the reflection, and accept it without judgment. The person you are relating with will then feel acknowledged and understood. Even if this means you turn and walk away, the balance of conflicting forces is achieved. It can also balance karma. But let’s leave karma for another day, that is a whole other relationship matter!
So what about love? Of course we need to talk about love when considering relationships and relating, we all have a Venus after all! Love is not discriminating. Love happens even when the shadow appears. Love occurs in the opposition, in the smoke, and in the mirror. This four-letter-word is thrown around a lot but it is really what everything is about in the end. Even if you choose to turn and walk away from someone, that is love too.
It is in relating to others that we learn about who we are. This can be painful and blissful. The key here is to accept what you see. In accepting the mirror, you allow yourself to exist. In the Great Mystery of life we are all reflections of the One. Everyone is the Sun, and everyone is the Moon. We are merely working out our own position in the cosmos with our fellow stars.
To learn more about Astrology or to have your own Birth Chart interpreted, please visit www.EarthSkyJourneys.org for more information.
To learn more about relationships and relating, consider “Creating Healthy Relationships”, a course offered by the Canadian Academy of Therapeutic Arts. Visit HERE for more information.
(1)From Jamie Sams’ Sacred Path Cards, p.291.
Illumination Magazine 